Aries - Bossy ass bitches
Taurus - Boring couch potato
Gemini - Lying gossip
Cancer - Whiny troublemaker
Leo - Self obsessed asshole
Virgo - Hypocritical bitch
Libra - Two faced manipulator
Scorpio - Raging psychopath
Sagittarius - Self-righteous asshole
Capricorn - Social climbing backstabber
Aquarius - Unemotional God complex
Pisces - Manipulative drug addict
The human body has 7 trillion nerves and some people manage to get on every single fucking one of them
If something is ‘old as fuck’ then it’s about 1.2 billion years old because that’s when life evolved sexual reproduction.
However, if something is “old as balls” it’s only about 65 million years old, when placental mammals began to evolve proper testicles.
My boyfriend (via thecarrionlibrarian)
#no but can you imagine if that was how you learned once a month you weren’t pregnant#by some dude singing songs about the victory of it#you wake up and he’s there and you are so happy#this dude becomes your favorite dude#but then you realize you haven’t seen your friend’s minstrel in a while#I mean everyone notices#like half the people are on the same cycle so for one week out of four your job is just flooded with fucking minstrels everywhere#the cacophony#but Mary over there is all alone#and she’s like my minstrel is late#but we all fucking know#her minstrel has gone off to find her a baby#a nine month journey he must make alone#and until he comes back there is no music in her life#what a glorious world this would be#I love the minstrels (@onionjuggler)
Can we please have a story about this?